


Connections

by MilkyRabbit



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3666996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilkyRabbit/pseuds/MilkyRabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minseok lost all contact with Luhan. Luhan wants to reach out to Minseok. The distance kills both of them slowly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Minseok hated seeing his best friend suffer. 

He watched Luhan’s condition worsen. Every day, Luhan was getting paler, thinner, and sicker. Luhan’s anxiety attacks got worse ever since TLP started. Travelling by plane almost every day, going down on a pole, being on top for their Overdose choreography, everything that triggered Luhan’s acrophobia. Luhan nearly fainted a day ago from the added stress put on him.

Minseok sees his best friend deteriorate as the days passed. Luhan’s eyes were swollen and he keeps tearing up. “It’s just irritated.” He lies when Yixing asked if he’s alright. Yixing obviously doesn’t buy the lie. No one did. They all want to tell him to just rest and take some time off the tour, but knowing how stubborn Luhan is they didn’t try. They’d just add stress to Luhan who’d work harder to conceal it.

He was distant from the group in the months since Yifan left. Minseok’s morning dates with Luhan has been reduced to just him walking into a coffee shop alone. Sehun’s efforts in communicating with his favorite hyung goes to waste until he finally gives up. Yixing, as one of the more vocal members about the others’ health, was usually shrugged off by Luhan. Jongdae, Junmyeon, and Zitao stay silent about this whole ordeal. Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and Jongin ends up bringing lighter topics into the awkward silences whenever they ate.

Minseok felt horrible about everything. Luhan was dying out there, wearing a mask just to please the crowd. He can’t take it. He can’t take Luhan’s stubbornness. He can’t take holding Luhan and calming him down whenever he had an anxiety attack from flying. He can’t take watching the boy who came all the way from China just to fulfill his dream become a dying shell of his former self.  


He eventually took initiative late in August. It was one of the few times Luhan actually slept. Minseok could tell by now if Luhan’s dizzy spells kept him up at night or not. Luhan slept like a log if he wasn’t kept up at night. He took Luhan’s cellphone and went out of their dorms. He went to somewhere quiet and opened Luhan’s phone contacts.

It might have been early in the morning when he called the only person Luhan might actually listen to, but he didn’t care. He just didn’t want to see Luhan like this.

The phone rings a few times before he answers. He must’ve been pissed that he was awakened before the sun even rose.

“What is it Luhan?” The man asked through the phone.

“I’m sorry Lao Gao. This isn’t Luhan. It’s Kim Minseok.” He answers back.

“Oh. Why do you have Luhan’s phone with you?” He yawns.

“I got it just to talk to you about something important. Maybe you might have noticed it too.” Minseok sighs.

“Is it about his health problems?”

Minseok didn’t respond at all. Lao Gao must have known the answer. There was silence for a while. It was only broken when Minseok said “Please.”

“Please tell him to rest. Please tell him to stop. I don’t want to see him like this. You don’t want to see him like this. Nobody does.”

The response he got was something he didn’t expect from the man Luhan holds as dearly as Minseok. 

“I’m sorry.”

That’s when Minseok hung up and nearly threw Luhan’s phone on the ground. He wanted to blame Luhan for ignoring his health. He wanted to blame Lao Gao for not trying hard enough to get Luhan out of this. He wanted to blame the fans for being ignorant and smiling in the midst of Luhan’s pain. He wanted to blame SM for putting Luhan through all this. Most importantly, he wanted to blame himself for not stopping Luhan.

Luhan’s worsening health finally reached its climax by September. He was weak almost all the time. And one day, he finally broke down from the stress. He was coughing like crazy, his body shook uncontrollably, and he cried his eyes out after the concert. That was when Junmyeon snapped. It was scary to see how their usually calm and composed leader can lose his composure after seeing one of his members suffer for so long.

“Luhan. We, your brothers, have been watching you kill yourself slowly for months now. We can’t take it anymore. You’re too stubborn for your own good. You want to keep the fans happy but you’re dying. You won’t listen to anyone’s advice. You’re working yourself to your own grave. Now you have to decide Luhan. Go to the hospital and we can laugh about this one day or keep at it and then die doing this? What’s it going to be Luhan?”

Luhan finally goes to the hospital after so long. He missed many concerts though but no one really minds. They all knew this was for the better. Even the fans knew more and more of how horrible Luhan was feeling. Minseok was finally able to be happy after so long because he knew that his best friend was being treated now. But that happiness was only temporary.

Luhan called what remained of EXO-M to a private meeting in their dorm. They didn’t know what this meeting was about. They all sat around Luhan’s bed, watching him caress the back of his hands, the place where his needle holes were.  


“I’m…leaving EXO.” He smiled sadly at the others in the room. “You’re my brothers from EXO-M, I wanted to tell you beforehand. I wanted to tell all of you before I go back to the hospital and ask my lawyers to file the lawsuit.”  
Zitao was in tears, Jongdae kept quiet from shock. Yixing looked down on the ground and pondered about it for a while. Minseok stood up, went to Luhan’s side, and embraced his best friend. The tears both men tried to conceal flowed out. No one said a word the whole time. Jongdae was already trying to calm Zitao down with gentle pats on the back. 

Yixing spoke up first, with tears down his cheeks. “We love and respect you Luhan and we…”He sobbed. “We will always support you and your decisions. We’re all brothers after all.” 

Everyone but Jongdae was crying at this point. It wasn’t against Jongdae’s nature to cry. But it was his nature to make the mood again. “Remember that dumb comedy we all watched when we debuted. Wanna watch it again?” he asked. Yixing nodded and that was the obvious answer to all of them. They spent the rest of the night laughing to that movie and for a while they forgot about everything.

Luhan’s last concert was in Beijing. It was only fitting. It was a true good bye to EXO and to his career as an idol. None of them expected him to attend it. Junmyeon told him that he should just sit this one out, he was clearly too unhealthy for this. But Luhan was too stubborn. He told Junmyeon he was okay. 

The concert went as it always did, except Luhan was more worn out than usual. That’s when Minseok knew what he should do. It was their usual routine for their fake kiss in Gee. Minseok would act shy with a heart shaped pillow in his hand. Luhan would slap him in the butt a few times with a similar pillow. Then the other members would pull them together for a fake kiss where they would just look at each other deep in the eyes and pretend to make out. He did something different. As soon as Kyungsoo pulled him towards Luhan, he pushed himself on Luhan’s lips. Kissing his best friend passionately in front of the audience. And for a moment, nothing mattered for both of them. Minseok forgot about the crowd. Luhan forgot about his health. They forgot about their current situations and just kissed. It was only broken when the rehearsed pillow fight took place and everyone had to act wild again. 

The concert ended with both Minseok and Yixing at Luhan’s side. Zitao shedding tears and Jongdae hugging Luhan. 

After the concert, Luhan pulled him aside and asked “What was that for?”

“What was what for?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Minseok. What was that kiss all about?” Their eyes were locked on each other. It wasn’t awkward for either of them. They were close enough to be doing that and playfully touch each other. 

“It was a goodbye kiss.” He answered. “Ever since I met you, I had a crush on you. It’s only when you told us that you were leaving, I wanted to show it to you. The fact I love you.”

Luhan chuckled and pinched Xiumin on the cheek. “You sweet idiot. You could have said it sooner. Did you know I also love you too? Not as a friend though.” 

They had their second and last kiss after that. 

Luhan was admitted to the hospital the very next day and stayed in Beijing for most probably the rest of his life. Minseok moved on and went to Japan with the rest of EXO. Minseok left two things in Beijing. His Luhan and a letter. He poured his heart out in that letter. He described everything he felt about Luhan. He described it all. That was the last form of communication they had.

October 10. That was the day Luhan finally filled the lawsuit to terminate his contract. As soon as news of that broke, the managers approached EXO. Before that day, everyone in EXO had already learned about Luhan’s decision to leave. No one was calling him a traitor. No one could blame him. 

The managers told them the same thing they said when Yifan filed a lawsuit. Stop any form of communication you have with Luhan. It wasn’t as intense as with what happened with Yifan. They weren’t advised to unfollow him in all forms of SNS. But there still had to be damage control, this time with their true feelings. Unlike with Yifan’s damage control where the managers posted an angry message on Zitao’s Weibo and telling Junmyeon to call Yifan’s decision as irresponsible on live TV, Luhan’s was a nice goodbye.

Minseok was a coward. He can’t say anything to Luhan. Yixing posted a supporting and heartfelt message to Luhan on Weibo. Zitao made an indirect message to Luhan on his Weibo. 

He sees Luhan update his Instagram every now and then. He knows Luhan sees him too. Yixing or Zitao updates him on Luhan’s life. He occasionally looks at Lao Gao’s Instagram to see how Luhan was doing. But it became less frequent as the days went on. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Minseok hardly knew anything that was happening to his best friend. With that, the string that connected him to Luhan was slowly being cut in half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't help myself. I love sad things.


	2. Just like a star across my sky

For the first time in 3 years, he’s finally back home.

He was free again. No slave contract. No fears. Nothing. Even if he was in a hospital bed in Beijing, it still felt better than his dorms in Seoul. He truly did love his brothers in EXO. He loved them more than anything. But Seoul was never his home. He was a stranger trying to live his dream in another country.

He’s not Luhan the idol. He’s not Luhan of EXO-M. He’s not Luhan the singer. He’s just Luhan. And that’s what Beijing understood and Seoul didn’t. He wasn’t a star in the sky. He was just a passionate boy.

The first guest he had since he was admitted was Lao Gao. Before Minseok, Lao Gao was his best friend. He was there since Luhan was young. He was there when Luhan went through his various fanboy stages. He was there when Luhan tried to audition to be an idol. He was there when Luhan left Beijing for Seoul as an exchange student. He was the first person Luhan called when he got scouted. The first person Luhan called to inform that he will debut as an idol.

He was the best friend Luhan could have never wished for. Even if they were separated by fame and distance, Lao Gao was always there. He’s seen him at his best, at his worst, everything.

“Luhan, what the hell did you get yourself into?” Lao Gao asked as he sat down near Luhan’s bed.

“Ah. You caught me off guard. I look like shit don’t I?” He joked.

“Obviously you do resemble shit Han.” Lao Gao answered back. Both men laughed for a while. Everything was truly back to normal for Luhan.

“What’s up Cobby?” He smiled, using his friend’s nickname.

“Just so you know, your parents would be here later.” He said nonchalantly.

“Well, better make myself look good. Don’t want them to see me look like a hot mess.” More jokes were made. More laughs. It felt so problem free and happy now.

His parents visit later, hugging him tightly. His mother cried at the state of her son. His father cursed SM for making his son like this. But in the end, what’s done is done. At least their son is with them now.

“So, what do you want to do now?” His mother asked him. She held his hand and looked at the needle attached to it.

“You can go back to college if you want. You could take up my business after you graduate.” His dad suggested.

“I agree with the college part but….I want to be an actor.”

“Huh? I thought you were done with the limelight?” Lao Gao barged in on the conversation. He knew it was rude but still. Didn’t Luhan leave the idol life behind for something better?

“Manners maketh man Cobby.” Luhan grinned. Lao Gao glared at him in return. “You can take the boy out of the performance but you can’t the performer out of the boy. I still love being on stage. I still love acting, singing, and dancing.”

His parents didn’t respond. He didn’t know if they supported him or not. It was Lao Gao who spoke up. He did like that about Lao Gao. He was always there to support him.

“Then you shall act. In one condition.”

Luhan stared at him in confusion. “What condition?

“I could be your manager.” Luhan didn’t even need to answer that question. It was obvious.

“Thank you Han. Now let’s release that official statement you must be dying to post.”

* * *

 

He was back on his feet to promote his movie “Back to 20”.

The feeling was amazing. The crowd cheering him on always gave him energy. Everything about it felt amazing. He looked to his right and left as a force of habit. He still felt that the rest of EXO was around. He did kind of miss them being with him on the Red Carpet.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol annoying another member. Jongdae joining them sometimes. Zitao and Sehun being vain as they take a selca. Minseok being there next to him, smiling. He missed those. He didn’t let it show though.

Yang Zishan noticed it. She approached him later in the green room.

“My grandson, what was with those sad smiles?” She asked. Luhan wanted to shrug off his pretty cast mate. But Zishan was persistent.

“I just miss them.”

She didn’t need to answer back. After the awards show she took Luhan and Lao Gao drinking. She laughed at how amusing both men were when drunk.

* * *

 

He lost almost all forms of contact with the other EXO members. Other than following each other on Instagram (surprisingly, SM hasn’t told them to unfollow him) and Zitao’s and Yixing’s Weibo updates, he didn’t know how was EXO doing.

Baekhyun has completely disappeared on Instagram. He hardly sees Yixing’s updates there. Zitao, Sehun, and Chanyeol is almost always on his timeline. And then one December day, he sees Minseok.

Two red light sticks forming a ‘T’ were on his hands. He reads the captions and found out that he was iin a TVXQ concert. It was depressing.

Minseok and him fanboyed over TVXQ. They were inspired by TVXQ. They bonded over TVXQ. Now, Minseok was going to their concert without him, happy and with other people.

He sees the picture of them with Changmin and Yunho. Minseok was with Jongin, Jongdae, Minho, Taemin, and Amber. It made him jealous. If he was still an idol, he’d be in that picture. The next picture was that of Changmin’s abs. Abs that Minseok wanted and Luhan knew well that Minseok had/was getting. The last was a picture of Minseok on a poster for something called School OZ.

He searched it and found out Minseok has been casted as a lead in SM’s original play School OZ. He wanted to congratulate him for getting this far but all forms of communicating to Minseok was useless. SM was good at that.

2014 became 2015 and he found out Minseok, Sehun, Jongin, and Junmyeon went to London. He didn’t know the reason at all. Zitao, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol were in Barcelona at that time. Chanyeol’s constant updates didn’t even answer his questions to why they were there.

It was a picture of Minseok with a beanie on, his jacket pulled up all the way, hiding his lips.

‘London Boy’

He remembered how Minseok promised him that if they ever went to England, they should watch a football game together. He never really like checking fan accounts, but most have said the same thing.

‘Kai and Xiumin watched a football game today. We don’t remember the match that well though but Kai on one team and Xiumin cheered on the other team.’

Lao Gao entered the room with cup noodles when Luhan shot up and looked at him.

“Cobby. I need to take a selca. Turn off the lights.”

That selca or picture Lao Gao was made to take was a hit with the fans who missed Luhan. He wanted to let Minseok know how he was doing. He thinks Minseok ignored him as he has posted a picture of himself with Dongwoo of INFINITE.

Now Dongwoo was a nice guy and all and he is Minseok’s high school friend. He is to Minseok what Lao Gao is to him. They auditioned together, they hugged when they see each other, Dongwoo even calls Minseok to drink with him.

Minseok seemed to be doing well without him. Luhan learns that Minseok collaborated with Dongwoo, Woohyun, and Key for ToHeart’s live performance in Delicious. The world finally got to see what Minseok was capable of.

More pictures flooded in. Minseok in ISAC playing football without him. He posts as selca of him with Minho. He posts a selca of him in the finals.

Lao Gao calls him for an audition for this movie. He goes with it eagerly. He needed to get Minseok off his mind. The movie turned out to be one of those big Hollywood movies with Matt Damon in it. He got the part and would be filming in the months to come.

He stops thinking of Minseok and focused on his career.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the title of the song Like a Star by BTS (or just Rapmon and Jungkook)


	3. I'll make it so sweet that you'll melt on my lips

The dorm was quiet now.

It was just Yixing, Jongdae and him. Zitao moved in to the K dorms with Sehun happily agreeing to be his new roommate. He truly enjoyed being in the company of those around his own age. There were 3 rooms in their dorm. One used to belong to Yifan and Zitao, now it’s empty. One is Jongdae and Yixing’s. And the last is his room. It used to be his and Luhan’s room.

He hasn’t cried since the night Luhan told them he was leaving. Zitao would still cry if reminded about it. Yixing would sometimes tear up. Junmyeon accepted it better than Yifan’s leaving. Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo agreed that it was taboo to talk about Luhan in the dorms just as it is taboo to talk about Yifan. Sehun would cry too but it wasn’t as bad as Zitao’s tears. It was only Jongin and Jongdae who tried to comfort Minseok.

Minseok looked the most unaffected since Luhan left, but they knew deep inside he was hurting. So they make it as though Minseok had that buddy around. Jongdae would take Minseok out on dates. Jongin would hang out with Minseok whenever they were at practice. But that wasn’t enough. He liked the fact that his dongsaengs are doing this for him but he can handle himself. He’s 25, he doesn’t need this.

* * *

It was Baekhyun who first suggested something.

“You know hyung, you need to hang out with someone.” Minseok was doing crunches when Baekhyun brought it up. Working out helps him focus on something other than Luhan.

“I do. I hang out with Jongdae and Jongin. I hang out with you and Yixing too. “He says in between each crunch. Baekhyun lets go of Minseok’s knees and sits down on the bench.

“I mean hang out with someone who loves the same things you do. Not that we have nothing in common with you.” He explained. Minseok sits next to Baekhyun. It’s weird for him to hear Baekhyun be this serious.

“Hyung, you need to hang out with some old friends. Maybe go drinking with them or party with them. I’m not saying you should get laid, you’d get in trouble if you actually did. But you know, just..yeah.” He finished. Minseok understood that well enough.

“Thanks for the concern Baekhyun.” He smiled. “Yeah, maybe I will hang out with someone tonight.”

“Hyung?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“Can I touch your abs?” He was back to being the old touchy Baekhyun again.

* * *

 

It wasn’t that late when he made his way to INFINITE’s dorm. It took him a while to convince Zitao to let him use his car. Eventually he used the hyung card and got to borrow it. He knocked on the door a few times, waiting for someone to open it. Their leader, Sungkyu, opened the door and greeted him.

“Oh. Minseok-ah. Hi. Are you here for Dongwoo?” He asked.

“Yeah, I just wanted to hang out with him.”

It didn’t take Dongwoo that long to come out.

Both men sat down on the couch and just laughed and talked about the old days of being high school students. The rest of INFINITE retreated to their rooms as to not make anything between them awkward.

That’s when Dongwoo took out some alcohol from the fridge. Somehow, INFINITE was really good at hiding alcohol from their manager.

“When was the last time you drank?” Dongwoo asked. It was an obvious answer. He only drinks when he’s with Dongwoo.

“Pass me a can. Let’s drink.” Minseok took a can from Dongwoo and gulped down the beer. That warming feeling of alcohol was the best feeling he has felt in a while. Dongwoo connected his phone to the speakers and kept the volume low as to not disturb the other members. The peace and silence didn’t last long.

Both men were intoxicated after a few cans of beer. It was a fact that both Minseok and Dongwoo were noisy drunks. They laughed loud. They talked even louder. But the loudest has to be when they’re singing.

ToHeart’s Delicious started playing on Dongwoo’s playlist. They started slurring the first parts until both men drunkenly sang the song. It sounded well most of the time. That is until Minseok tried to harmonize with high notes and Dongwoo added random adlibs and unnecessary rap verses. It only got worse from there as Minseok attempts to scream the rest of the song while Dongwoo tried to do a low harmonization. They kept the song on replay until 2 in the morning when they actually sobered up a bit.

By now, Minseok really thought that he should return to his dorms. Would it be a scandal if two male idols from two different groups spent the night together? He really didn’t know. He gave Dongwoo a hasty goodbye and drove back to his dorm hoping no one followed him or found out.

* * *

 

Minseok was usually the first one to get up in both EXO-M’s and EXO-K’s dorms. That’s why Yixing was worried when he didn’t smell the scent of coffee being brewed from the kitchen. Had his hyung not returned yet?

He checked Minseok’s bedroom to see if he was there. And surely there was his hyung, hair messy, wearing his clothes from last night with the faintest smell of alcohol, and drooling on his pillow. He closed the door softly, as to not disturb him.

Jongdae woke up much later and was just as surprised as Yixing was when he didn’t see Minseok.

“Hyung’s still sleeping. He must’ve come home pretty late.” Yixing said.

They proceeded to eat breakfast, leaving some food just for Minseok. Junmyeon joined them later on, claiming that the insanity of the K dorm was sometimes too much for him to handle. Both men giggled a bit at their leader. They thought about the complete and utter commotion in the K dorms now that Zitao was there.

Minseok woke up less than an hour after Junmyeon came in. Yixing was already washing some of the dishes.

“Morning hyung.” They all greeted him. He only answered them back with a groan.

“Must have been a wild night, huh Minseok-hyung?” Jongdae asked. He only nodded back.

“I’ll make you some coffee hyung.” Junmyeon offered. That was when Minseok finally spoke up and thanked Junmyeon. Even if he did looked pained by actually trying to talk while he suffered a hangover.

It only got worse when his phone started ringing. He took it out of his phone pocket and saw that it was Dongwoo. He pressed the green answer button and placed the phone on his ear.

“Minseok! Bad time?” He asked.

“No. Not at all.” He replied. “Don’t you still have a hangover?”

“Yeah. But that’s not important. Are you free on December 19?” Minseok thought about it first. He knew for sure that he has nothing scheduled on that day. “Nope. Nothing at all.”

“Great!” Dongwoo exclaimed. “You and me are now gonna perform with ToHeart as guests.”

“What?” He was baffled. It was really sudden and he had no idea why he was going to perform with Key and Woohyun.

“Woohyun liked how we sounded last night. And I quote “You guys sounded pretty good. And then you started screaming, adlibbing, and trying to harmonize.” He got the managers to actually put us as guests. Are you in?” He was remotely shocked. Woohyun liked his drunk singing enough to ask them to perform with them.

Minseok was used to people telling him his singing wasn’t good enough to put him on main vocals even if he did come in second for a singing competition to get him in SM. But to be asked to be a guest performer was great.

“I’m in.”

* * *

 

His performance with Dongwoo and ToHeart was well received by everyone. Minseok sang most of Key’s parts, Dongwoo did most of Woohyun’s parts. It was amazing. It was a long time since Minseok had parts that weren’t less than 5 seconds long. He loved it so much.

Key, being Key, took a commemorative selca of the 4 of them after the performance. They killed it.

* * *

 

It was his first time playing in the ISAC without Luhan as his partner in the field. Truthfully, he worked well with Luhan. They knew how to play together. Luhan was a great offensive player and it complimented Minseok being on defense.

Now it was just him. Still, he did trust Mino as his captain. Minho was a great football player. Even if they didn’t work as smoothly as he did with Luhan, he still managed to pull it off. Frankly, Minho was like Junmyeon to him. Even if they weren’t the best, they can always do it and make it look like they were.

They were in the finals by now. Somehow, Minseok’s life was at an all-time high and it only went up from there. He took a selca with Minho before their next match and posted it on Instagram. Instagram was a quiet place for Minseok. Luhan hardly updated so he knew nothing of what was happening to Luhan. Yixing told him that Luhan was promoting another movie now.

The high just became higher as the weeks passed. Ongoing practices for their next concert, recording for their next album, everything was getting there. He loved everything about it. The slowly rising high was just so sweet to Minseok. Years of hard work was finally getting him to his dream. But slowly did he find himself not thinking of Luhan anymore but of everything else.

The string that connected them was now thinning at the middle, just waiting for it to snap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was heavily influenced by Dongwoo and Xiumin's friendship + ToHeart's (feat Xiumin and Dongwoo) Delicious performance. If you haven't figured it out, the title is a verse from Delicious.


End file.
